There's a version of me that still wants to get it right.
To be ready.
To anticipate.
To prepare so well that no one would have a reason to say no.
At the time, it felt like integrity.
Like being dependable.
Like doing things properly.
But if I'm honest, it was also about control. Control dressed up as prepared.
The belief that if I could plan for every scenario, I could shape the outcome.
That I could avoid disappointment. Or criticism. Or even failure.
And for a long time, it worked.
Until I realised something important.
Even when you're doing everything “right,”
it’s still possible to lose yourself in the performance of it all.
Because leadership isn't about perfect preparation.
It's about presence.
It's about knowing what you stand for, and letting that guide how you show up.
The habits that helped you rise may not be the ones that help you lead now
In coaching conversations, I often hear:
“I don’t know how to stop anticipating every outcome. It’s how I’ve always stayed ahead.”
“I know I’m over-thinking, but I want to make sure I'm able to answer all the questions from my team.”
“I’m exhausted, but I don’t know who I am without being the reliable one.”
These aren't wrong.
They’re patterns that made sense for you, especially in systems that reward performance over presence.
Especially in roles where care is measured by how well you hold everything together.
But here’s the catch:
When a strategy becomes automatic, even when the moment doesn’t ask for it, I think it starts to run the show.
What you can try instead
Here are a few questions I found helpful when I started noticing how some of my old habits were showing up in new leadership situations:
- Where am I defaulting to old habits, especially in how I lead or support my team?
- What was I trying to protect (or prove) by always being so prepared?
- Is this situation asking for that same approach, or could something simpler be enough?
- What would it look like to lead in a relaxed, more present way, rather than over-prepared?
- What's one thing I can let go of, even just for today?
Here’s what came up for me at the time:
- When I first set up Touching Distance, I thought being prepared meant having an answer for every possible question and mapping out every detail in advance.
- But underneath that was a fear of someone saying no.
- I wasn't just preparing, I was trying to control how I'd be received.
- I still value preparation, but I’ve come to trust something else more:
That showing up with presence, curiosity, and openness often creates deeper connection than having all the answers ever could. - Some of the most meaningful conversations (and decisions) have happened when I’ve shown up real, not rehearsed.
This is not about abandoning your strengths.
It’s about reclaiming your choice in how you use them.
 |
|
||||||
|
Want to go deeper?
If this resonated, you’re not alone.
I work with purpose-driven professionals who are ready to bring more honesty, courage, and choice into how they lead, especially in uncertain times.
Whether through 1:1 coaching or in the Brave Transitions program, you’ll find space to reflect, reset, and lead in a way that feels more like you.
Curious? Let’s talk
Or explore Brave Transitions Group Coaching program here → Learn more
With you,
Linda
Founder of Touching Distance
|
Responses